The Dating Game
Date:
Here are the rules:
Pre-Game:
Injured During Practice
This player is overly aggressive during practice. Contact information has been exchanged, but a game has not yet been agreed upon (and likely won't). This potential player has screwed up the same play over and over again, demonstrating his lack of focus in practice and knowledge of the playbook. "You let me know when you free?" is not the same as "I'd like to take you to X on X-day at X o'clock." Poor practice performance leads to poor game performance.
A wise coach (that's you) would bench him until he shows more discipline and skill in practice. (Translation: NOT READY TO DATE.)
Play to be Determined after Warm-Up
This is the player that excels during practice, but loses it during warm-ups. Too many phone calls and text messages that never surpass small talk, frequent changes made regarding the details of the date, requesting a rain check less than 4 hours before a date without a legitimate reason and no reschedule date in mind are all signs that your player may not be ready for a solid game. Be cautious and ready to adjust accordingly.
Fumbled Kick-Off Return
This is your routine bad first date. The conversation is awful, your date refuses to make eye contact, their manners are atrocious, they text the majority of the time, or you genuinely just aren't attracted to them as much as you thought you were. You can choose to bench this particular player for a while or chalk it up to them having an off night.
First Quarter Meltdown
Let's say kick-off was pretty good, and you're excited about the likelihood of future plays in the first quarter. Sometimes things fall apart. A trivial discussion somewhere between date #1 and date #2 goes horribly wrong and someone completely goes off the deep end. I had a great coffee date with a guy recently. He was handsome, deceptively calm, and adept and maintaining a meaningful conversation. Unfortunately, he's a self proclaimed poet who also happened to be excessively sensitive and emotional. He absolutely lost it when I would not commit to purchasing his book of poems from Amazon. I'd never seen a meltdown like that before.
Huge personal foul that resulted in a game forfeit. I don't do emotional.
Hail Mary
Let's clarify, I don't believe in build-a-partner dating. Whatever you present, I take it at face value, so the good performances need to SIGNIFICANTLY outnumber the subpar ones. So, let's say you've been on a number of dates over the past month and a half, most of which have been great, but there have been a couple of times where player performance was subpar at best. Still, you're hoping for a Hail Mary pass to win the game or even a play that will tie the game and give your player a little more time. The goal is to not have to step outside the coach's role and throw the Hail Mary yourself; relationships built on Hail Mary's often fail. You want to subtly coach your player into scoring so many points that a Hail Mary isn't necessary. In the event that a Hail Mary is your last option, throw the pass confidently, but prepare to accept any outcome.
See how fun dating can be? Now go ahead, channel your inner Peyton Manning, and play the dating game like a champion.
- (noun) a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person.
- (verb) to go out socially on dates.
- (urban dictionary) two people getting together for an activity when the possibility of romance between them has been broached but not ruled out.
- (urban dictionary, updated) a lost art replaced by casual meetings for lunch or coffee where the bill is Dutch and parties wear jeans.
Here are the rules:
Pre-Game:
- Practice: This is where you scout your potential players. Explore and observe, don't engage in premature games or scrimmages.
- Warm-ups: You've decided on a player and have agreed to an actual game. The days leading up to your first date represent warm-ups. Communication flows freely, but is not overwhelming.
- One game/player represents the other person.
- Quarters represent the number of days, weeks, or months (2 maximum) you entertain your opponent.
- The number of plays is dictated solely by you, and you decide when to move to the next quarter.
- Kick-offs are first dates.
- Overtime: In the event that you have not reached your desired relationship status at the end of the fourth quarter, you may extend the game for one additional quarter. No game, including extended games, may exceed 2 months.
- Win: Achievement of desired relationship status by end of game.
- Loss: Failure to achieve desired relationship status by end of game.
- No consecutive rematches.
- Flags: Offensive fouls (unwarranted physical or verbal aggression), defensive fouls (undesirable reactions to your decisions), and personal fouls will result in penalties of your discretion. Some penalties may result in game rejection or forfeit.
- Option 1: Bask in the victory of obtaining your desired relationship status.
- Option 2: Take the L gracefully, tweak your own offense and defense, and get ready for the next game.
Injured During Practice
This player is overly aggressive during practice. Contact information has been exchanged, but a game has not yet been agreed upon (and likely won't). This potential player has screwed up the same play over and over again, demonstrating his lack of focus in practice and knowledge of the playbook. "You let me know when you free?" is not the same as "I'd like to take you to X on X-day at X o'clock." Poor practice performance leads to poor game performance.
A wise coach (that's you) would bench him until he shows more discipline and skill in practice. (Translation: NOT READY TO DATE.)
Play to be Determined after Warm-Up
This is the player that excels during practice, but loses it during warm-ups. Too many phone calls and text messages that never surpass small talk, frequent changes made regarding the details of the date, requesting a rain check less than 4 hours before a date without a legitimate reason and no reschedule date in mind are all signs that your player may not be ready for a solid game. Be cautious and ready to adjust accordingly.
Fumbled Kick-Off Return
This is your routine bad first date. The conversation is awful, your date refuses to make eye contact, their manners are atrocious, they text the majority of the time, or you genuinely just aren't attracted to them as much as you thought you were. You can choose to bench this particular player for a while or chalk it up to them having an off night.
First Quarter Meltdown
Let's say kick-off was pretty good, and you're excited about the likelihood of future plays in the first quarter. Sometimes things fall apart. A trivial discussion somewhere between date #1 and date #2 goes horribly wrong and someone completely goes off the deep end. I had a great coffee date with a guy recently. He was handsome, deceptively calm, and adept and maintaining a meaningful conversation. Unfortunately, he's a self proclaimed poet who also happened to be excessively sensitive and emotional. He absolutely lost it when I would not commit to purchasing his book of poems from Amazon. I'd never seen a meltdown like that before.
Huge personal foul that resulted in a game forfeit. I don't do emotional.
Hail Mary
Let's clarify, I don't believe in build-a-partner dating. Whatever you present, I take it at face value, so the good performances need to SIGNIFICANTLY outnumber the subpar ones. So, let's say you've been on a number of dates over the past month and a half, most of which have been great, but there have been a couple of times where player performance was subpar at best. Still, you're hoping for a Hail Mary pass to win the game or even a play that will tie the game and give your player a little more time. The goal is to not have to step outside the coach's role and throw the Hail Mary yourself; relationships built on Hail Mary's often fail. You want to subtly coach your player into scoring so many points that a Hail Mary isn't necessary. In the event that a Hail Mary is your last option, throw the pass confidently, but prepare to accept any outcome.
See how fun dating can be? Now go ahead, channel your inner Peyton Manning, and play the dating game like a champion.
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