How to Lose Your Girl in 10 Days (featuring Sister)

My sister and I can both attest to the fact that no matter what stage of your twenties you're in, dating is a crapshoot. Guys in their 20's, 30's, and even 40's are stuck in a state of arrested development. The only games I want to play at this point involve cards and alcohol.  Dating for me has become...

 

Are we doing this or not?

Because I have stuff to do.

 

So, I've enlisted the help of my sister, and we have come up with a list of surefire ways for a guy to lose his girl in less than two weeks.

 

1. Invite yourself over so that she can cook for you.
2. Assure her that you only want to date casually, then get angry with her when she doesn't pressure you for a relationship. 
3. Nag her for a relationship.
4. Upon her agreeing to aforementioned relationship, change your mind once again.
5. Text her at midnight on a Wednesday and ask her what she's doing.
6. After she tells you she's asleep, proceed to ask her if you can come over anyway.
7. Ask her about her old relationships, and express your concerns (insecurities) about every single one of them.
8. Bombard her with more of your insecurities.
9. Ask her if you can come over, then bring dinner...just for you.
10. Embarrass her publicly, preferably at one of her work functions.
11. Get offended when she asks you to not do certain things in front of her coworkers and boss.
12. Ask her to come visit you after she gets off work, then, without warning, leave before she gets there.
13. Once she's had enough and asks you to leave her alone, get angry and accuse her of being mean and selfish.
14. Bombard her with the rest of your insecurities.
15. Tell her you want to be friends, and then ask her out on a date.
16. After the date ends horribly, get angry with her and promise you won't talk to her anymore.
17. Call her everyday, continue to show up at her work functions, and let your passive aggressiveness flow.
18. Ask her on another date, get angry when she declines, then tell her you won't bother her anymore.
19. Call her until she answers the phone.
20. Stop calling, she's blocked you. You've lost her. Kudos to you.