Lyfts and Little Lies
The creation of modern taxi companies like Uber and Lyft was and will probably be the most convenient millennial contribution to society in years. Affordable transportation (except on major holidays) is now at our fingertips, and it's mostly safe (except for the occasional shooter), but we can honestly blame gun control laws for that. I use Uber and Lyft mostly on weekends, or if I'm out with friends being a responsible adult (inebriated), or if I'm out of town and no one wants to drive.
For some reason, my experiences with Lyft are always more interesting. Here's an example. A few weekends ago, I took a Lyft to a friend's house, and from the second he pulled up I knew it would be memorable. I wasn't really interested in engaging in a lengthy conversation, because, let's face it, I'm awkward and perfectly okay with that. It was a relatively short drive, and I would have preferred to spend some (most) of it in silence. However, Socrates (yep, real name) had other plans.
Now I understand that some drivers generally do not enjoy riding in silence, but that's honestly a suspicious question to ask a stranger. I'm going to the address I gave you. Just drive.
There's always a point after I meet a stranger when I decide if I'm going to continue to truthfully answer invasive questions or lie. Since I was riding alone, I decided to lie 10 seconds after getting into his car.
At this point, I'm tired of smiling and sounding pleasant and I'm hoping that he stops talking. Luckily I get about three minutes of silence. Just as he turns onto my friend's street and I think I'm home free, things get interesting.
The most hilarious part of the whole ride was the dialogue in the last 30 seconds. If you have a weird question to ask a stranger, don't. When a woman tells you she has a significant other, drop the subject. Don't ask her if he makes her happy. Don't be that guy. You're a stranger, I don't want to hang out with you. This isn't a romantic comedy.
Several things came from this experience: I was reminded that lying is sometimes necessary because strangers are weird. I learned that Uber is better. Socrates learned that asking passengers weird questions gets you low ratings.
For some reason, my experiences with Lyft are always more interesting. Here's an example. A few weekends ago, I took a Lyft to a friend's house, and from the second he pulled up I knew it would be memorable. I wasn't really interested in engaging in a lengthy conversation, because, let's face it, I'm awkward and perfectly okay with that. It was a relatively short drive, and I would have preferred to spend some (most) of it in silence. However, Socrates (yep, real name) had other plans.
6:32 - (30 seconds into 7 minute ride)
Driver: So where are you headed?
Me: I'm sorry, did I not already put in the address?
Driver: Yes you did. Is it someone's house or something?
Me: *silence* Have you had a busy night so far?
Now I understand that some drivers generally do not enjoy riding in silence, but that's honestly a suspicious question to ask a stranger. I'm going to the address I gave you. Just drive.
6:33
Driver: It's been pretty calm, I've only had a few passengers this evening. I'm in grad school here and I've been in class all day.
Me: Okay.
Driver: Are you from this area?
Me: Yes, I live here.
Driver: You don't have a southern accent. Are you originally from some place else?
There's always a point after I meet a stranger when I decide if I'm going to continue to truthfully answer invasive questions or lie. Since I was riding alone, I decided to lie 10 seconds after getting into his car.
6:34
Me: I've lived here my whole life (lie). You don't sound like you're a local. Where are you from?
Driver: I'm from Haiti, but I've lived here a few years for school. You know, I don't really consider Tennessee as part of the South. I mean, it's just not what I think of when I think of the South.
Me: It's definitely a southern state. If you're looking for more blatant racism, you can visit Mississippi or Alabama.
Driver: I still don't think it's the South. You know, when I first got here, I had a great chef make me authentic southern food and it was really good. I was surprised because it was actually healthy. You know, southern food doesn't always have to be unhealthy. Do you cook?
Me: Yeah, everything here isn't friend and covered in gravy.
Driver: Do you cook?
Me: Gotta eat to live, so yes. How close are we?
Driver: We aren't far.
At this point, I'm tired of smiling and sounding pleasant and I'm hoping that he stops talking. Luckily I get about three minutes of silence. Just as he turns onto my friend's street and I think I'm home free, things get interesting.
6:39
Driver: So I have a strange question to ask you. Well maybe you won't think it's weird.
Me: Okay...
Driver: Do you have a husband or a boyfriend? You seem like a really cool person to hang out with.
Me: Yes, I do. We've been together for years. Pretty sure he'll propose soon. (Lies, all lies.)
Driver: Does he make you happy?
Me: Always. I've never been happier. (More lies)
Driver: Are you sure?
Me: *silence* I'm going to get out now.
Driver: Okay, I just thought I'd ask.
Me: *hurriedly throws door open and climbs out of car* Thanks for the ride! Have a great night!
The most hilarious part of the whole ride was the dialogue in the last 30 seconds. If you have a weird question to ask a stranger, don't. When a woman tells you she has a significant other, drop the subject. Don't ask her if he makes her happy. Don't be that guy. You're a stranger, I don't want to hang out with you. This isn't a romantic comedy.
Several things came from this experience: I was reminded that lying is sometimes necessary because strangers are weird. I learned that Uber is better. Socrates learned that asking passengers weird questions gets you low ratings.
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